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Teaching Empathy to Reduce Bullying

There is a general perception that students who bully lack empathy. This is an understandable assumption given their anti-social and hurtful behavior, and it is certainly true to a point. Research shows that bullies do, in fact, possess empathy. Cognitive empathy is simply knowing how the other person feels and considering what they might be thinking. But there can be a dark side to this sort of empathy — even if a student has cognitive empathy, s/he may lack sympathy for their victim. Therefore, the type of empathy a bully may lack is emotional empathy, which is the ability to experience other people’s feelings as their own and respond appropriately to their pain. Many bullies objectively know very well how their victims feel but lack the emotional empathy that would actually deter them from attacking others. However, researchers suggest that having high cognitive empathy may be the link to helping students learn to increase their emotional empathy, which shows there is a necessity for emotional education in schools as a means to reduce bullying and other aggressive behavior (van der Elst, 2011).

One way to approach building empathetic students is to begin with the teaching of kindness. Kindness should be a skill that everyone uses, but sometimes, students have not been taught how to be kind to others and/or they have not been on the receiving end of kindness. Educators can change this by teaching some simple lessons on kindness and by modeling kindness and compassion. Most students use observational learning, especially young learners, so take advantage of this and find time to explicitly model kindness.

Below, you will find some quick and low-prep ways to accomplish this, which students will want to emulate again and again.

1. Acts of Kindness. Talk with students and choose one staff member to recognize each month on account of the kindness that s/he consistently shows. Students can make and decorate cards to celebrate this person.
2. Positive Parking Lot. Hang a piece of chart paper in the classroom and provide students with sticky notes. Students can then leave a little note for someone in the classroom to raise their spirits.
3. Bucket Filling. Begin by reading students the story, Have You Filled a Bucket Today? By Carol McCloud. Then, encourage students to “fill someone’s bucket” by writing them kind and sincere letters. At the end of the week, students can take turns reading aloud the letters they have received from their peers. Additional bucket filling activities can be found here.
4. Kindness Circle. Ask students to form a circle. Go around and give each student an opportunity to share something kind they have done lately.
5. Tell Me Something Good. At the start of class, ask students to turn to someone near them and tell them about one nice thing going on in their life or something nice that happened to them recently.
6. All Around Messages. Have students design signs that have kind, uplifting messages of encouragement and positivity and put them on the insides of bathroom stall doors, above sinks, or at drinking fountains.
7. Morning High Fives. Ask for weekly volunteers to station at all the entrances to the school. About ten to fifteen minutes before the bell rings, volunteers go to their stations and welcome students to school with high fives.
8. Take What You Need Board. Have students brainstorm possible emotional supports their classmates may need (ex. courage, commitment, self-love), then search for a dozen or more quotes related to those specific needs. Write the quotes on index cards and post them on a centralized bulletin board so anyone walking by can easily find a quote to fit what they need. You may also wish to color-code the cards and post them in categories so students can find what they need quickly.

The Next Step: From Kindness to Empathy

Once kindness is developed and embraced regularly, educators can then transition to teaching empathy. This is a great way to show students how they can move from being simple bystanders (those who standby during bullying without intervening) to upstanders (those who support and protect peers when bullying occurs).

Have students watch this TEDEd video to see the bystander effect phenomenon take place. The video demonstrates the more people in a group, the less likely someone is to help another. This is true in situations of bullying too. There are numerous reasons why students do not act as upstanders, but the research proves that if educators can build and instill empathy in students, then students are more likely to move from being bystanders and instead transition into becoming upstanders.

There are many ways students can develop empathy and use that trait to become upstanders, yet one question remains at the forefront. How can educators teach empathy as a bullying prevention method? Active listening is one way for students to learn how to be empathetic. Through active listening strategies, students learn how to shift their lens and take on the perspective of another, which allows them to better relate to their peers and develop empathy. To use empathetic listening, students must listen patiently to what the other person has to say, even if they do not agree with it. The role of an empathic listener is to be supportive, kind, and caring. Additionally, an empathic listener works to keep the speaker from feeling or becoming defensive. To do this, students should avoid asking direct questions, arguing with what is being said, or disputing facts. Below, Courtney Ackerman (2017) shares eight additional elements of empathetic listening, all of which when combined create more empathetic listeners.

1. Focus on others. When someone is speaking, be sure to focus on them as they are talking.
2. Show acceptance. It is important to show acceptance, though not necessarily agreement, by simply nodding or interjecting phrases such as, “I understand” or “I see.”
3. Make eye contact. Pay attention and look directly at the person speaking.
4. Keep opinions to yourself. The listener’s job is to refrain from talking and just be a good listener.
5. Paraphrase their words. Translate what you have heard by paraphrasing to clarify understanding.
6. Identify their feelings. Use phrases like, “You sound…” or “You seem…” to reflect how that person’s feelings are being perceived.
7. Use non-verbal communication. Watch the speaker’s non-verbal cues and use your own body language to communicate.
8. See their perspective. Listen closely to fully understand the perspective of the speaker.

Students can practice these skills in the classroom with the teacher’s assistance. All these elements can easily be included throughout the day. You can also use this simple What is Empathy? worksheet to help get you started on the right path in terms of teaching empathy.

SEL Activities that Promote Empathy

There are many social-emotional activities that can be used with students to promote empathy. Many of these activities require little to no prep and can be done quickly during the day. Others can be full lessons that can be incorporated into the current curriculum. Whichever path you choose to take, these lessons are designed to specifically teach students what empathy is all about, what it looks and sounds like, and how it feels when one is on the receiving end of empathy.

Empathy activities come in many formats, so they do not have to be lengthy. In fact, it might be easier for younger students to understand empathy when the activities are short and focused, with some quality discussion provided afterwards. For older students, empathy lessons can involve interactive, hands-on learning that delves deeper into compassion, kindness, and inclusivity, all of which are components of empathy.

Kathy Perez, author of the 2022 book, The Social-Emotional Learning Toolbox: Practical Strategies to Support All Students, offers five basic steps that can help students build awareness of how others are feeling as well as obtain a glimpse into their perspective during daily interactions. The foundational steps for cultivating empathy that students can use anytime are shared below.

1. Watching and Listening. Students listen carefully to the words others are using and the body language they exhibit during the conversation.
2. Remember. Students use the information they hear to think of a time when they felt the same way.
3. Imagine. Students try to imagine what the other person might be feeling and then consider how they might feel if they were in the same situation.
4. Ask. Students ask the other person what they are feeling.
5. Show You Care. Students show they care by using their own words and body language to show support, compassion, and kindness.

By teaching these steps, students begin to develop empathy for others through their daily interactions. Educators can continue to promote the development of empathy skills by conducting activities and lessons that further explore empathy.

SEL and Empathy for All!

There is no short supply of social-emotional activities that can be used with students of all ages. The goal is to teach empathy by incorporating it into the lives of students all year long. Empathy takes time and patience to develop. It can be a complex skill that requires ongoing examples and opportunities to practice. Because social situations vary, students need an abundance of experiences to successfully develop their empathy skills. In addition, continuous opportunities to cultivate empathy skills also makes students more likely to become empathetic adults.

Are you curious? Want to take a deep dive on this topic?

To learn more about how to use empathy to combat bullying, visit the Professional Development Institute (PDI) website or go directly to our Harnessing the Tools of Empathy and SEL to Prevent Bullying course.

For over 27 years, PDI has provided high-quality and affordable online professional development courses to K-12 teachers worldwide. Our online courses are designed to offer practical strategies that can be implemented in classrooms immediately. All our courses are instructor-led and conducted entirely online. Graduate-level university credit for every PDI online course for teachers is available through the University of California San Diego Division of Extended Studies. PDI offers an extensive catalog of online courses that cover the most critical topics in today's classrooms.

Categories: SEL, bullying

References

Ackerman, C. E. (2017). “40 Empathy Activities & Worksheets for Students & Adults.” Retrieved 12 Apr. 2023 from https://positivepsychology.com/kindness-activities-empathy-worksheets/

Perez, K. (2022). The Social-Emotional Learning Toolbox: Practical Strategies to Support All Students. Baltimore, MD: Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co.

van der Elst, K. (2011). “Do Bullies have Empathy?” Retrieved 05 Jun. 2023 from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/research_digest/do_bullies_feel_your_pain